March 4, 2019 was the last time I hit publish around these parts. This little space that I created with my own blood, sweat and tears has sat empty and ignored since. That feels like both just yesterday and yet a lifetime ago. The Stormy that graced this page then is not the Stormy that types here today. In fact, that in many ways that girl is gone. The last four years have been full of heartache, change, pain and simply surviving. They have also been full of hope, joy, new beginnings, the unexpected and grace. And for that, I am thankful.
While it would be nearly impossible to touch on every single thing that has occurred there are a few that feel fundamental.
I wouldn't have known it when we last spoke but my world as I knew it came crashing down that summer. After over eleven years together my (then) husband and I separated. We'd certainly weathered some storms but marriage vows are for life so this was a punch straight to the gut. I came to learn quickly that divorce is far worse than death. Especially with children involved as the need to communicate and see each other is constantly there. It's sort of a repetitive, gut punch of death...over and over again. And then, with time things get easier and the pain stings a bit less. Hard feelings lessen. Priorities take focus. And forward motion begins again.
It would come as no surprise though that while in the pits of misery it's easy to feel like everything is coming at you...which of course was my experience. Within a month of finding myself a single mom my roof started leaking, the dishwasher flooded the kitchen, I broke the chain off the chainsaw, I learned to plumb my bathroom sink and work a 4wheeler with a plow attached (thanks Youtube!). Oh, I also lifted my 900lb mower out of a mud pit...talk about pure adrenaline and swear words fueling THAT one! I read an uncountable number of books to get a handle on how to best support my kids and found myself surrounded by the warmest, most fulfilling love from my family and friends.
Moving forward. My mind couldn't decide in the months (& years) to come if I'd bother with relationships again or not but I dated a few guys on and off. Talk about an adventure...dating for the first time in 12 years and since you were a teen! Haha. Didn't take long to learn that the days of Facebook flirtin' were long behind. I quickly decided that life alone was less chaos and honestly, my preferred.
Not long after the world blew up thanks to a little germ and my inquisitive, holistic, health concerned nature found me terminated from my job. (This is a whole story in itself here friends!) Thankfully, I recovered quickly and found a position which allowed me to keep life as we knew it.
Garrett and Gannon grew. And grew...and grew...and grew. There are so many days of pure pain I can recall for Garrett and honestly, I'd never want to walk those again. The amount of times I pleaded and prayed for something different for them is not one I kept count. Seeing the pain, the questions and the sadness in their eyes broke me every single time. With time, snuggles and lots of love we managed to work out our new normal, together.
It was about the time life was beginning to feel a bit more mellow that my third handsome love came along. Oh Gattlin Ander, unpredicted is the best way to describe you but I have full belief that the good Lord knew I needed you! Your chunky, Lion Man ways brought SO much joy to us and really brought a new level of love and family in our home. I'm not sure how I ever would have lived life without you and your brothers. There is quite possibly nothing else I need in this world.
A thin layer of icing on the cake is all this really is my friends. A simple, catch up of sorts. A check in with a space I hold so dearly in my heart. Almost like a return back home.
