Happy Monday! {Is there such a thing? I think not}
It was a working weekend for this girl so I don't have an exciting recap for you. I could tell you about how I got in a huge fight with a doctor because he was being inconsiderate to one of my patients. We could talk about how I over slept yesterday and was 22 minutes late for work. We could talk about how I listened to a diabetic patient whine all day about her diet restrictions. We could also talk about my patient who "escaped" on the elevator. But really didn't. See? That all sounds pretty lame doesn't it? This weekend was so long...all I wanted to do was sleep. {What in the heck is up with my body?}
So, I figured today we'd talk about something a bit more interesting. It's not often I talk about things like this and I know that there are things in the post that I haven't even told many of my friends. Consider yourself privileged.
Do you ever have times where you wonder "what would have been?"
I have always lived life following the motto "no regrets"
Because it's true. I have no regrets. I've done stupid things, I've been a terrible person at times, I've hurt people that I loved dearly. Am I sorry for it all? Of course. But I don't regret it. I'm a firm believer that everything happens in life for a reason, that each and every choice helps to shape you into the person you're meant to be. Anyone else feel this way? In my mind it's just important that you acknowledge that it was wrong, apologize and learn from it.
No matter the situation.
One area of my life where I've made some bad decisions is boys.
I'm sure that most of you have a relationship where you're like
"What was I thinking?!?!"
I've got quite a few of these. I've never been a person to put up with any B.S.
Not in any area of life. I give second chances to nearly everyone but if you ruin that I can't stop myself from walking away. I've got serious trust issues that stem back from my youth & that's another story for another day.
But, I'm working on them. I'm trying.
#workinprogress
Lately, with big changes coming in my life. I've been thinking a lot about the choices I made in my past. Doing a little "what would have been?" thinking.
Now, this is NO means is an indication that I want to go back, am having second thoughts, or am doubting my decision to marry the greatest guy ever.
Because I am NOT.
I am thrilled to have our wedding coming and overjoyed that I am marry the man of my dreams. I could not ask for anyone better.
With that, I thought I'd give you a little recap of my younger days...
ex-boyfriend style :)
Are you ready for this ladies?
We'll go in chronological order.
And we'll use initials to protect any identities :)
A: My very first boyfriend. I was in 8th grade and him 7th. My best friend asked him to be my boyfriend one day when I wasn't on the bus {without me having any clue} She came over later that night and told me I had a boyfriend that he was excited to be dating an "older woman". Being too young to drive and having strict parents we only hung out at school and talked on the phone. Lasted three months {this is the beginning of my 3 months or gone streak right here ladies} until he had his 5th grade brother call and break up with me. Ah, the immaturity of young relationships.
#summerlovin
G: My freshman year boyfriend. He was a senior. On a mission if you know what I mean... Some of the seniors in our school thought it would be awesome to chase as many freshmen girls as possible. I fell for his bad boy ways but wasn't willing to give into the things he wanted. Broke up with him after three months {another three month relationship} and he went a bit crazy on me. Stalked me, high speed chases trying to run me off the road, constant texts/calls, following me at school. He tried again to get me to date him my sophomore year but finally left me alone once the cops where involved. Big drama for our 1,000 people town. #gonecrazy
R: Work buddy turned boyfriend. Lasted three weeks until he was set to be deployed. We both knew the long distance thing wasn't going to work #landofthefree
J: Met through my cousins. Dated for just over two years. Had a blast double dating with them. Things where going great for about the first year until a control switch flipped. I wasn't allowed to hang out with anyone, he was constantly wondering what I was doing. He was always screaming at me and cutting me down. I could do no right. He got in my head and learned just how to control me. At the time I couldn't imagine life without him, and believed that all of the control, the abuse was okay and normal. I didn't think anything of it. My friends hated him, my family was concerned. His sisters told me to break up with him. We talked wedding, we talked kids, we talked about being together forever. He planned to ask me to be his wife around Christmas time-just after my 18th birthday. I woke up one morning in the end of November and thought to myself "I can't do this. He's controlling my life and I hate it" Broke up with him that afternoon. He went crazy, stormed into my parents house, stole things and screamed at me that I "Wasn't allowed to leave him" and that "I have your ring and am asking you to marry me next weekend at the Thanksgiving get together". He spent months trying to convince me to come back. I never did.
#nomoreabuseforthisgirl
After breaking up with J I didn't really know what to do with myself. I had control back again and wasn't sure how to handle it. I was lost, confused and wasn't sure where to go with life. I dated guys on and off but wasn't looking for a relationship after the hurt of the one I'd just gone through. Just spending time having dinner, seeing movies and hanging out was a relief. No stress, no fear of disappointment, and no abuse.
L: Met through a classmate in college my freshman year. Dated for three months {shocker huh?}. He partied all the time. Literally, nearly every night of the week. Sometimes I'd go with and get a little crazy. Most times though I spend the night and wee hours of the morning being a DD and cleaning up houses after they threw huge parties. I remember nights where he'd stumble into his dad's house {while I was doing his dishes, cooking or cleaning} and scream at me for being "stuck up, unsocial, and a b***h" because I didn't want to spend time with his friends. In all reality, I just didn't want to drink. I was in nursing school, had a job and couldn't afford to get busted doing illegal things. I had too much going for me to let a partying get in the way. #needssomeaaclasses
M: Another ex co-worker turned boyfriend. He was hunky, tanned and spent tons of time at the gym. We had tons of fun together doing absolutely nothing. He partied a bit too hard for my likings and I often found myself sitting to the side while be flirted it up with other girls. We dated three {there the three is again} months until I had girls calling me in the middle of the night asking to talk to him. Until I had his friends tell me that he was spending a lot of time with other girls, lots of other girls. Broke up with him and he spent months calling, texting, dropping gifts off for me at work & home. He stopped by work one day and proposed to me. Right there in the middle of the restaurant. He said he "wanted to marry me and have kids that where just like me". I told him to convince his other ladies to help him out with that. And that brings us to my current hunk of a man.
S: My lucky number 7 :) My seventh and final boyfriend. A man that I met nearly 16 years ago. A man that I would never have imagined ending up with. A man who makes me feel incredibly lucky, blessed and beautiful. A man that has accepted my past and loves me...poor choices and all. A man that has lifted me up in great times of need....the death of my best friend, uncle, grandpa. A man who encouraged me and put up with all the stress of nursing school, NCLEX and job hunting. A man that listens to me vent and gets angry when people hurt me. A man that will do most anything for me. The first and only man that I really, truly and whole hearted-ly fell in love with. A man that makes every day worth living.
I love you babe. So much. More than I can/could ever tell you.
#gointothechapel
